Part 6

“I will give you treasures of darkness and hidden riches of the Secret Place, that you may know that I, the Lord, Who calls you by your name, am the God of Israel.”  Isaiah 45:3

“The Lord is my Shepherd, I shall not be in want…Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for You are with me; Your Rod and Your Staff, they comfort me.”  Psalm 23:1,4

I have been richly blessed to have had both of my grandmothers in my life all of my 46 years on this earth.  As strange as it may sound, it never occurred to me until a few months ago that I would not have them with me on this earth forever.  They are so much a part of ME that my mind never wrapped around the idea of them not being around anymore.  And then it happened:  my Grannie became ill, fell and broke her leg and suffered for several more months until she left this earth a few weeks ago.

In the Secret Place, we find the comfort of His Rod and His Staff.

Merriam-Webster’s Dictionary offers us the following definitions:
Shepherd:  root word is “herdsman”; a person who tends to sheep, to guide and to guard.
Rod:  a straight slender stick growing on or cut from a bush or tree; a shepherd’s cudgel.
Staff:  a long stick carried in the hand for support in walking; a rod carried as a symbol of office or authority.

We have a Shepherd, Jehovah-raah is His name, who tends to us, guiding and guarding us with His Rod and His Staff.  This rod and staff are not tools for punishment, but to keep us out of harm’s way and to guide us to the green pastures and quiet waters.

The Word of God refers to us as “sheep” over and over again.  Merriam-Webster’s defines sheep as “related to goats, but stockier, long domesticated for its flesh and wool; timid, defenseless creatures”.  If any of you have ever been around sheep for very long, you will know pretty quick that they are typically not very smart animals.  If it were not for the sheep’s shepherd, they would quickly be devoured by their enemies or even walk off a cliff – one right behind the other.  I am so thankful that we have a Shepherd who tends to us, lovingly guiding us, comforting us, sheltering us, and protecting us. 

I want to share with you excerpts from my journal from the past few weeks.  This is intimate time I have shared with Jehovah-raah, my Shepherd, and it is difficult for me to let anyone into this time, but God has asked me to do this:

“Father, my soul is downcast within me.  You saw my tears and heard my heart cry yesterday when we went to see Grannie.  You know how much I love her, how much she has always meant to me, the hero of my life, especially my young life when she was always so steadfast for me.  Grannie has the biggest and strongest servant’s heart of anyone I have ever known (until You gave me my sweet husband).  She has not always had an easy life, I know, but this I just do not understand!  I just have to ask, ‘why?’  Not that I want anyone to suffer, but there are just some people on this earth who are so mean, yet they get to die peacefully and without pain.  And Grannie has been suffering for over four months now!  It is the most pitiful sight I have ever seen.  Thank-You, Thank-You that she knew me yesterday.  That would have been unbearable.  I think I now know why I had the dream about her night before last:  all I can remember is that she needed me, needed me to do something for her.  I kept asking her, ‘Grannie, what is it?  What do you need?’ and she just kept calling my name.  I now know, because I know what it means to be in the Secret Place, that she needs me to intercede for her, on behalf of the sweetest saint of my life.  I don’t want her to die. It’s only been during these four months I have come to realize that she would die.  I have never considered before that Grannie would not always be here for me.  Oh, my God, this hurts so badly.  But the enemy has control of the sickness ravaging and wasting her body.  Your Son died so that she could be whole.  Please, please have mercy on her.  Jehovah-Rapha, heal her completely, quickly.  Take the pain from her that Your Son nailed on the cross for her.  Heal her, oh Lord, and she will be healed.  Save her, and she will be saved from the chords of death that are strangling her.” 

Immediately, God sent me to Psalm 143 and instilled it into my heart that I was to pray, to intercede for Grannie on her behalf during her suffering….a prayer in the midst of hopelessness, a prayer for restoration and safety from the enemy who was pursuing her and crushing her to the ground.  That entry in my journal is dated June 16, 2008.  On June 22, 2008 my aunt called me and told me that Grannie had taken a turn towards death.  On June 24, 2008 I finally had the physical and emotional strength to return to her bedside.

“I lift my eyes unto the hills, where does my help come from?  My help comes from the Lord, the Maker of Heaven and of Earth.”  Psalm 121:1

Journal entry on June 30, 2008:
“Thank-You, Father, that I am clothed in the righteousness of Your Son.  Thank-You that as I held Grannie’s hand while she was living out her last day on earth, You kept whispering in my ear.  You heard my heart’s cry last week on behalf of the misery Grannie was in as she had come to me in that dream asking me to help her, and You gave me Psalm 143 to pray on her behalf, a cry for mercy to come to her relief.  She was not living a quality of life for that beautiful servant.  Psalm 143 was not a prayer for death, but a prayer for restoration.  Thank-You, Father, for this has been one of the greatest blessings, bitter-sweet as it was, of my life. 

“When (my aunt) called last Sunday, I felt like I was in a dream as she told me Grannie had gotten really bad, and they did not expect her to make it through the day.  I told her I couldn’t come…I just couldn’t watch Grannie suffering any more, and I sure couldn’t watch her die.  She understood and so did everyone else in the family.  No one faulted me or made me feel bad.  Monday night, Your strength rose up in me, and suddenly I couldn’t wait to get there.  As I entered her room the next morning, her eyes were closed.  I leaned down into her ear and said, ‘Grannie, I’m here.  I love you.  Good morning.”  And as my tears fell onto her pillow, she opened her eyes, looked at me and said, “Hi”.  I couldn’t give her enough kisses all day.  Later, she awoke again and told me, “I love you.”  The day before (my aunt) told me that she kept lifting her hands like she was trying to take hold of someone.  She was…’I will praise You as long as I live, and in Your name, I will lift up my hands.’  Psalm 63:4  ‘I spread out my hands to You…’  Psalm 143:6a  The day before she was also very thirsty, ‘…my soul thirsts for You like a parched land.’   Psalm 143:6b 

“As the day slipped away, her color changed from life to pale as death.  The “death rattle” in her breathing came and went.  By afternoon, she was no longer looking at us, but definitely “visiting” with someone on the other side of eternity.  Her mouth was moving rapidly in discussion.  I left for a few hours to go visit my other grandmother, and when I returned her eyes were now fixated on the other side of eternity.  Her breathing was very rapid.  ‘My eyes are fixed on You, O Sovereign Lord; in You I take refuge—do not give me over to death…while I pass by in safety.’  Psalm 141:8,10b  I prayed as the only thing I had known to pray all day long, ‘Heal her and she will be healed.  Save her and she will be saved, for You are the One I praise.’ Jeremiah 17:14  Her fever broke, and her face and hands became clammy.  Her breathing began to slow, and she turned her eyes toward something (Someone) else, waiting for her on the other side.  I heard the rain tapping on the window as she slowly took her last breaths.  The stench of death had permeated the room until her final breath when it was replaced with the fragrance of life.  The rain began to pour against that window, and I, along with my Daddy and my aunt, watched her take hold of Jesus and walk into eternity.  I listened for the rain later while we were waiting for the coroner, and I knew it was still pouring outside, yet there was no way we could hear it over the noise of the hospital room air conditioner.  As we had heard it so vividly during the moment of her leaving, I know it was Glory…Your Glory…the manifested presence of the Holy One.  Thank-You for Your presence as one of the dearest and most loved of my life walked into eternity with You.  And I know she is there with You now, helping to prepare Your Banquet Table for Your appointed time of the Wedding Feast.  My Grannie, who loved to cook for everyone, who could set a feast before our eyes with little or no notice, who always prepared each of our favorite foods if she knew we were coming, who loved to cook more than life itself, who had the humble heart of a servant like no one I have ever known, who taught me the reality of the Proverbs 31 woman, and who now dwells in Your arms forever.  ‘Death, where are your shackles?  Death, where is your sting?’
I Cor. 15:55  Praise God that Jesus holds the keys to Death and it no longer has hold of us who are a new creation in You.” 

It is clear that our days are numbered before us, and only God knows that number. “My frame was not hidden from You when I was made in the Secret Place. When I was woven together in the depths of the earth, Your eyes saw my unformed body.  ALL the days ordained for me were written in Your book before one of them came to be.”  Psalm 139:15-16  Why did He ask me to intercede for Grannie when He already knew the days He had ordained for her life?  In the Secret Place we are strengthened, and in the Secret Place we are called to do such things that will totally amaze us….ALL for His glory.

“Set me free from my prison,
That I may praise Your name.
Then the righteous will gather
about me because of Your
Goodness to me.”  Psalm 142:7
Amen!”